How do we help a friend who is a professing Christian but doesn't want to obey God? A friend who is not just experiencing the normal undercurrent of rebellion and independence that is always present. The friend who says, "I don't care. I really don't care. I'm done, I'm through, I'm not trying any more."
1. Start by praying for them. I find that I think a lot about the value of prayer...much more than I actually talk to God.
2. Surprise them them with relationship. Don't start every conversation with a warning. Have a conversation with them about their interests and burdens, unrelated to their heart.
3. Eventually, ask them why they don't want to obey. Don't cut them off half way through, don't point out all of their inconsistencies. Just listen.
4. Repeat steps 1-3.
5. Initiate a conversation where you can share one poignant Scripture and briefly share why you thought it would be helpful. Why Scripture? Because God promises to bless his Word. Why brief? Because their capacity to hear is limited. Which Scripture? All your minutes of listening should clarify their fundamental doubt in God's character. Disobedience always flows from doubt. Find a scripture that describes that aspect of God's character in the most winsome way possible. Encourage them to consider the truth of these words. Apply this truth with gentleness.
6. Repeat steps 1-5.
7. If a lengthy period of time elapses or the disobedience escalates quickly to life destroying decisions, include another mature friend in the conversation, and share tenderly but clearly your concern for the spiritual and practical consequences of this course of action. If the person is a member of your local church and a professing Christian, inform one of your pastors and welcome their counsel about a process of pastoral correction and potential church discipline.
8. Keep praying, keep relating, keep listening, keep speaking truth with gentle, Biblical, succinct, firmness.
9. Trust the Lord with your friend's heart and future.
If at any point in this process your friend indicates 1) some desire to change, 2) an awareness that they are wrong 3) some hope that God may work in the future or 4) a willingness to listen to a Biblical perspective-- then be lavish in your encouragement and celebrate God's grace working in them. They will still have a long way to go, but only grace can produce such softening in heart.
10. Express gratefulness to the God who sought us while we were yet sinners.
The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. God is not slow, as some count slowness, but is patient with you, not wishing that any should perish but that all should reach repentance. Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
The Rock of Ages
I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Round Rock right now, looking at a wall made of stone. The verses of the hymn Rock of Ages are on my mind.
Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee.
Let the water and the blood, from thy wounded side which flowed
Be of sin the double cure
Save from wrath and make me pure.
I'm thinking of Moses in the wilderness with God's people, striking a rock with a stick, seeing miraculous water gush out to quench the thirst of an undeserving people.
I'm thinking about the crushing blows that descended on Christ, so that out of his death a fountain of forgiveness could be provided for all of God's people.
While I draw this fleeting breath, when my eyes shall close in death.
When I sour to world's unknown, see thee on thy judgment throne
Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee.
Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee.
Let the water and the blood, from thy wounded side which flowed
Be of sin the double cure
Save from wrath and make me pure.
I'm thinking of Moses in the wilderness with God's people, striking a rock with a stick, seeing miraculous water gush out to quench the thirst of an undeserving people.
I'm thinking about the crushing blows that descended on Christ, so that out of his death a fountain of forgiveness could be provided for all of God's people.
While I draw this fleeting breath, when my eyes shall close in death.
When I sour to world's unknown, see thee on thy judgment throne
Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Learning Evangelism
I'm not a "natural" evangelist. I don't know if anyone really is,
but some of my friends are certainly much more godly and gifted in this
area than I am. But I want to learn. I want to grow.
Perhaps you are like me. Perhaps you want to learn evangelism as well. Here are a few steps I believe anyone can take.
1. Begin by prayer. Even the most reticent evangelist can begin to pray for opportunities and boldness. After a month of praying for opportunities, I trust that God will answer our prayers.
2. Begin by gracious friendliness. If a spontaneous, full throttle declaration of the gospel message feels daunting, start by building a habit of gracious friendliness with those around you. Ask your waiter how his day is going. Give your neighbor a handshake rather than just a wave. Ask your co-worker if you can get them a coffee, and then ask them if their family is well. A habit of gracious friendliness can pave the way for a more developed friendship.
3. Build a friendship out of those friendly interactions. If one of the spontaneous conversations seems more interactive than others, follow up with a second and third conversation. Then take the step of doing something together with them. A family pizza night, lunch with a co-worker, seeing a movie together, a Saturday morning basketball game--you can pick the activity that you seem to have in common. You might also invite some of your Christian friends to join you--building a friendship with a non-Christian is less daunting as a group effort.
4. Look for an opportunity to ask your friend about his beliefs. A conversation could begin with "What gets you through your week?" and lead to "I've realized that with all I have to do at work, praying is crucial." Or you might find that if you ask them, "So, how you are you really doing? Anything you're worried about that I can pray for you about?"--they might open up. This might be moment to talk about your hope in Jesus and why you trust in Him.
5. Don't view the friendship as a task to be completed. You're not just their friend until you can share the gospel message once and check "evangelism" off the list. You are...their friend. Continue to be their friend. In one of your (ongoing) conversations, ask them if you can share with them your belief in Jesus and invite them to respond and if they don't...continue to be their friend. Love them, and serve them, and keep having conversations. Ask them about their objections to Christianity and try to answer...and keep being their friend. A quick caveat here, if your friend categorically and emphatically rejects the Christian message and forbids you from speaking about it with them, you may want to continue as their friend, but also be looking for other opportunities with more receptive listeners. But, don't give up easily, patient friendship may break down many barriers in the end.
It is clear in the Scriptures that God has called us to be witnesses to our Savior in this world. I know I have much to learn about being a witness. But God is a patient teacher. I'm trusting Him to lead me one step at a time.
I pray you will join me as well.
Perhaps you are like me. Perhaps you want to learn evangelism as well. Here are a few steps I believe anyone can take.
1. Begin by prayer. Even the most reticent evangelist can begin to pray for opportunities and boldness. After a month of praying for opportunities, I trust that God will answer our prayers.
2. Begin by gracious friendliness. If a spontaneous, full throttle declaration of the gospel message feels daunting, start by building a habit of gracious friendliness with those around you. Ask your waiter how his day is going. Give your neighbor a handshake rather than just a wave. Ask your co-worker if you can get them a coffee, and then ask them if their family is well. A habit of gracious friendliness can pave the way for a more developed friendship.
3. Build a friendship out of those friendly interactions. If one of the spontaneous conversations seems more interactive than others, follow up with a second and third conversation. Then take the step of doing something together with them. A family pizza night, lunch with a co-worker, seeing a movie together, a Saturday morning basketball game--you can pick the activity that you seem to have in common. You might also invite some of your Christian friends to join you--building a friendship with a non-Christian is less daunting as a group effort.
4. Look for an opportunity to ask your friend about his beliefs. A conversation could begin with "What gets you through your week?" and lead to "I've realized that with all I have to do at work, praying is crucial." Or you might find that if you ask them, "So, how you are you really doing? Anything you're worried about that I can pray for you about?"--they might open up. This might be moment to talk about your hope in Jesus and why you trust in Him.
5. Don't view the friendship as a task to be completed. You're not just their friend until you can share the gospel message once and check "evangelism" off the list. You are...their friend. Continue to be their friend. In one of your (ongoing) conversations, ask them if you can share with them your belief in Jesus and invite them to respond and if they don't...continue to be their friend. Love them, and serve them, and keep having conversations. Ask them about their objections to Christianity and try to answer...and keep being their friend. A quick caveat here, if your friend categorically and emphatically rejects the Christian message and forbids you from speaking about it with them, you may want to continue as their friend, but also be looking for other opportunities with more receptive listeners. But, don't give up easily, patient friendship may break down many barriers in the end.
It is clear in the Scriptures that God has called us to be witnesses to our Savior in this world. I know I have much to learn about being a witness. But God is a patient teacher. I'm trusting Him to lead me one step at a time.
I pray you will join me as well.
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